So, I received a text from my little cousin today that Michael Jackson passed away and at first I thought he was just joking because all the text said was "Michael Jackson dead." Never in a million years would I have thought it would happen so soon.
I grew up listening to Michael Jackson because when I was younger, I spent a great deal of my time watching music videos on MTV or Vh1. That was my absolute most favorite thing to do. I would also spend time popping in different cassette tapes into the player, or try to get my Dad's old records to work.
MUSIC was my life. Still is my life. I would go home from school, and watch music videos. I could remember watching the music video for "Thriller" so vividly and I absolutely loved it. Also the video for "Remember the Time" with Eddie Murphy and Iman, that was one of my favorites as well. In 2002, when I saw that music video for "You Rock my World" with Chris Tucker and Usher, I felt that was his comeback and I loved him more than ever.
I can't name them all but thinking about it makes me tear because these are memories of my childhood. I loved Michael, he was amazing. I honestly had a big crush on him.
All those movies and interviews portraying him as a pedophile just kills me. I watched them all but I never once believed he would do such a thing and it hurts to know that he passed away without cleaning his slate. I was at my friend Resa's house earlier and she told me that Michael did not get a chance to experience his childhood to the fullest because his life was wrapped around fame and getting to the top. Now at his age, he was just trying to get a part of his life that was taken away from him.
There were times when I did say mean things. I thought he was going crazy. I thought he made mistakes. From the dangling of his baby off the building, to the way he handled some of the situations he was put in. I think I gave up on Michael. I never thought of him for months until a couple days ago when David Choi made a cover of his song, Ben. Now today, he's gone, and he's all I could think about.
Reminds me of when Pope John Paul passed away. I couldn't stop thinking of him. Wishing that I had seen him or met him, before he left. Same with Michael. Now, I won't have that opportunity. This is really teaching me a lesson about life and death. We cannot wait for people to die to appreciate them for what they accomplished on earth or to express your love for them. That's taking them for granted and I do that all the time, I admit it. My pride and selfishness gets in the way of my true feelings sometimes. It's all a process of getting older and I am slowly learning to get the fuck over it.
On the way home in Resa's car, it was MJ on the radio and I told her to change the station because it made me sad. Next station, MJ.
RIP Michael, you made a big impact on my life and I can't thank you enough.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
conversations with parents: Dad
I decided to write this because I realized how hard it is to talk to my dad because I can't really get a straight answer from him because either he's not listening to me, he can't hear me, or he misunderstands me, or it turns into an argument.
My dad is not the one to keep a conversation going because he seems to be busy doing whatever, and I'm fine with it, unless I have a question to ask him...
Me: Dad, who sings "Total Eclipse of the Heart?"
Dad: *no answer*
Me: Uh, Dad, hello?
Dad: Ano? (what)
Me: Who sings "Total Eclipse of the Heart?" (then I start singing "Turn around, every now and then...")
Dad: *starts singing to himself*
*long pause*
Me: UH, okay?
Dad: You know...that girl.
Me: WHAT GIRL?
Dad: Uh, what's her name again?
Me: I don't know, that's why I'm asking you.
Dad: That white girl!
Me: Oh my gosh. What white girl?
Dad: I don't know, I forgot.
My dad is not the one to keep a conversation going because he seems to be busy doing whatever, and I'm fine with it, unless I have a question to ask him...
Me: Dad, who sings "Total Eclipse of the Heart?"
Dad: *no answer*
Me: Uh, Dad, hello?
Dad: Ano? (what)
Me: Who sings "Total Eclipse of the Heart?" (then I start singing "Turn around, every now and then...")
Dad: *starts singing to himself*
*long pause*
Me: UH, okay?
Dad: You know...that girl.
Me: WHAT GIRL?
Dad: Uh, what's her name again?
Me: I don't know, that's why I'm asking you.
Dad: That white girl!
Me: Oh my gosh. What white girl?
Dad: I don't know, I forgot.
THE END.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
and i thought my life was hard.
Cancer is not prominent in my family history. My family is mostly associated with high blood pressure, heart disease and stroke. Those are all bad too, but when you think about it, Cancer is what people in this world fear the most.
Relay For Life of Magic Island takes place from 7:00 p.m. on Saturday, July 11, 2009 until 7:00 a.m. on July 12, 2009
I just lost my grandmother to Pancreatic Cancer, after more than a year long fight. When it came down to the wire, I couldn't bear to see her in pain. It's heartbreaking. It's the first time I had to deal with a death of someone close to me.
However, when I was in fifth grade, my aunt also passed away due to a type of Cancer. I was in 5th grade at the time. I didn't know much about anything because I was young. I didn't know how much Cancer could affect the people around you.
Now my cousin, Sarah Ruiz. 18 years old. She was diagnosed 2 years ago, a couple days before my high school graduation. Leukemia. She has been fighting so hard for 2 years. After the first year of chemotherapy, we thought she was cured, but sadly it came back. After another long year of fighting, with a half match bone marrow translant from her sister, we hoped and prayed it was gone for good.
Today, I received a text from her mother that the doctor found leukemia cells in her blood. It hurts me to believe that she has to go through another long chemotherapy treatment without knowing if there is going to be a successful outcome this time. When you have cancer, get rid of it, and then have it come back, it's MUCH harder to get rid of.
About a week ago, I was talking to Sarah about her graduation which is in a couple days. Out of nowhere, she actually APOLOGIZED to me for not being there at my graduation, and for taking the attention away from me. I told her that I don't deserve an apology. It is not HER FAULT that she was diagnosed with Cancer. She is such a good kid. She doesn't deserve this pain. But, all we could do is pray, and hope for another recovery.
God, please watch over my cousin Sarah and all those whose lives are affected my Cancer.
This year will be my 5th year participating in Relay for Life. Please join if you can.
Relay For Life of Magic Island takes place from 7:00 p.m. on Saturday, July 11, 2009 until 7:00 a.m. on July 12, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Acceptance.
I made this video a long time ago, but I'm having difficulty deciding whether I want to continue posting vlogs/comedy videos on my channel because of the fact that many of my new viewers like my music side. But, when I started on YouTube, I made vlogs, so I'm in a dilemma. Anyway, this video is just little update on what was going on in my life, but you can watch it to understand how I felt at the time.
Pre-Acceptance
Post-Acceptance
If I didn't get accepted, everything would go wrong. I would have to retake a lot of classes, apply to other schools, try to get scholarships, take other Nursing exams that cost a lot of money, and I would be put farther on the list because priority is given to first time applicants. Also, my parents would still be on my back, and they would use it against me.
My main motivation was the fact that I didn't want any of that to happen.
Being accepted into the program feels like I got a ticket to a new chapter in my adult life. I feel carefree, and overwhelmed. There were over 200 applicants, but still I made it. I feel like my parents can get off my back, and finally understand that I am a hard worker, and that I deserve to be treated like an adult.
The only this is, I spent my entire life trying to please my parents, living in fear that I would get a bad grade and be punished. Now, I want to stop living in fear. Starting now, if I want good grades, I want it because I want to succeed in school, not just to please my parents. I need to focus on me now.
UH Manoa Nursing School, here I come.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
No, your comment is STUPID.
I was watching Justin Nozuka's After Tonight video on YouTube and I decided to scroll down again and read comments. I am always reading other people's comments on other people's videos. I don't know why I keep doing that! xxemolove12598, why so ignorant? Please. Gosh.
Schmiddst9r (1 hour ago)
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