Thursday, June 25, 2009

RIP Michael Jackson.

So, I received a text from my little cousin today that Michael Jackson passed away and at first I thought he was just joking because all the text said was "Michael Jackson dead." Never in a million years would I have thought it would happen so soon.

I grew up listening to Michael Jackson because when I was younger, I spent a great deal of my time watching music videos on MTV or Vh1. That was my absolute most favorite thing to do. I would also spend time popping in different cassette tapes into the player, or try to get my Dad's old records to work.

MUSIC was my life. Still is my life. I would go home from school, and watch music videos. I could remember watching the music video for "Thriller" so vividly and I absolutely loved it. Also the video for "Remember the Time" with Eddie Murphy and Iman, that was one of my favorites as well. In 2002, when I saw that music video for "You Rock my World" with Chris Tucker and Usher, I felt that was his comeback and I loved him more than ever.

I can't name them all but thinking about it makes me tear because these are memories of my childhood. I loved Michael, he was amazing. I honestly had a big crush on him.

All those movies and interviews portraying him as a pedophile just kills me. I watched them all but I never once believed he would do such a thing and it hurts to know that he passed away without cleaning his slate. I was at my friend Resa's house earlier and she told me that Michael did not get a chance to experience his childhood to the fullest because his life was wrapped around fame and getting to the top. Now at his age, he was just trying to get a part of his life that was taken away from him.

There were times when I did say mean things. I thought he was going crazy. I thought he made mistakes. From the dangling of his baby off the building, to the way he handled some of the situations he was put in. I think I gave up on Michael. I never thought of him for months until a couple days ago when David Choi made a cover of his song, Ben. Now today, he's gone, and he's all I could think about.

Reminds me of when Pope John Paul passed away. I couldn't stop thinking of him. Wishing that I had seen him or met him, before he left. Same with Michael. Now, I won't have that opportunity. This is really teaching me a lesson about life and death. We cannot wait for people to die to appreciate them for what they accomplished on earth or to express your love for them. That's taking them for granted and I do that all the time, I admit it. My pride and selfishness gets in the way of my true feelings sometimes. It's all a process of getting older and I am slowly learning to get the fuck over it.

On the way home in Resa's car, it was MJ on the radio and I told her to change the station because it made me sad. Next station, MJ.

RIP Michael, you made a big impact on my life and I can't thank you enough.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

conversations with parents: Dad

I decided to write this because I realized how hard it is to talk to my dad because I can't really get a straight answer from him because either he's not listening to me, he can't hear me, or he misunderstands me, or it turns into an argument.

My dad is not the one to keep a conversation going because he seems to be busy doing whatever, and I'm fine with it, unless I have a question to ask him...

Me: Dad, who sings "Total Eclipse of the Heart?"
Dad: *no answer*
Me: Uh, Dad, hello?
Dad: Ano? (what)
Me: Who sings "Total Eclipse of the Heart?" (then I start singing "Turn around, every now and then...")
Dad: *starts singing to himself*

*long pause*

Me: UH, okay?
Dad: You know...that girl.

Dad: Uh, what's her name again?
Me: I don't know, that's why I'm asking you.
Dad: That white girl!
Me: Oh my gosh. What white girl?

Dad: I don't know, I forgot.



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