Tuesday, October 16, 2012

...nursing school is over. but it's just the beginning.

I think the biggest part that I mentioned in my last post was that I finally graduated from nursing school. Nursing school was like a major turning point because ya know, nursing was what I was going to be doing with my life. Nursing was going to be my life. That almost says it all. If you didn't get it, then I'll say it another way. Nursing school took over my life.

I dedicated five years to my undergraduate education and honestly it was a wonderful time. I have no regrets. I did not exactly dedicate every waking moment to studying and whatnot, but it did take up majority of my time, to the point that I was letting other bridges burn unintentionally. To tell you the truth, I absolutely loved nursing school. I met amazing people, gained a ton of knowledge and experience, and I learned a lot about myself in the process.

But, I did have doubts. We all did. It wasn't perfect because I'm not perfect. I made mistakes. I came across people who were not supportive to my learning, and I had bad days all the time. There were times when I would come home from clinical and think to myself, "What the f*ck are you doing?!"

I'm sure a lot of people are confused about my stance on my nursing career. In fact, I think I've actually confused myself. It's not right for me to post it on the internet because it's just so public and it can hurt me in different ways. But, I think it's only right to be totally honest because I can't move forward without being true to myself and to everyone else.

I did not want to be a nurse.

There are probably a thousand other 2nd generation Filipino females and males that are/were in the same position as me. I think the main thing I want to mention is that I don't think "we" should be looked down upon. "We" may not have had a choice. So, before you go about saying "I'm the first one in my family to do something other than nursing..." like you're all high and mighty, please think about it. "We" probably couldn't stand up to our parents to say what we really wanted to do with our lives. "We" probably did not want to let our parents down because they were counting on us to be the nurse they always wanted us to be. "We" may not have been that strong. I was not that strong. So, I give you guys props.

My parents had a lot of power over me, and when I graduated high school, I did not really know what I was going to do. A lot of my high school scholarship essays leaned toward nursing because as a senior, I still did not know what I wanted to do with my life, but these essays needed to be written! So with both my parents being nurses, it almost seemed like my destined profession.

At some point within the 3 years of nursing school, I realized that I was going to complete nursing school for me, not for my parents. I wanted it to be for me. That was the only way that I was going to succeed. AND I'VE OWNED UP TO IT! I wouldn't have made it this far if I wasn't passionate about nursing. I love people. I'm a caregiver. I have a genuine interest in human life and the future of healthcare. It's in my blood. I knew that I could succeed, and that is why I have. Not to be all big headed, but I'm the first child on my maternal side to have graduated from college! I'm not even the eldest among my generation. I'd say that's a big accomplishment. Even though I said I was going to be doing it for me, a part of me was still doing it for my parents. There was no way to let that go. But, I'm just proud, my parents are proud, and I'm proud that they are proud.

I can write about this for days. Hopefully with a better ending because I do plan on changing my career pathway in the future. I'm gonna do me eventually, when I'm ready, when I'm strong. You'll see. 

But for now, I'M A REGISTERED NURSE! I'm so happy to say that.

Lei ceremony immediately after the pinning ceremony at Hawaii Theater. Thank you to all who have supported me along the way while believing in me, and continuing to encourage me. I appreciate you all so much.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

update: it's been three (3) years

Wow. I haven't updated this blog for 3 years. Thanks a lot nursing school! Well yeah, nursing school was a long, stressful, challenging, yet amazing 3 year program but...*drumroll*... I FINALLY GRADUATED! I graduated this past May but I am only updating this blog now because I actually forgot about it. Thanks a lot Tumblr! I actually prefer this blog over Tumblr because I don't really use it/see it as a blog because I reblog other user posts 90% of the time. So, I think I am going to use this blog for more personal blogging and updates, and Tumblr will be...Tumblr. I'm glad to be back on here though. I missed this. I miss blogging. I miss the freakin' internetz! Well, I'm done with school (for now) so now I'M BACK!

Anyway, what the heck happened to me over the past three years? A shit load. I'll just note some of the bigger events.

Late 2009
- started nursing school
- did not know anyone in my nursing class of 60 students
- eventually made some good friends in my first semester of nursing school
- turned 21 and experienced my first hangover (which was absolutely HORRIBLE!)
- traveled to the Philippines and Thailand over winter break
- bought my very first electric acoustic guitar from Cebu

- Sarah was unable to recover and passed away on January 31, 2011
- met AJ Rafael during his layover in Hawaii
- started my 2nd semester of nursing school
- watched Jeremy "Passion" perform at a Go Green Generation concert (was able to meet him too and he's such an genuinely, amazing person)
- became a member of BTVFam Hawaii and helped coordinate HI-FAP
- met AJ Rafael's band, Jenny Suk, Jasmine Rafael, Jeff Bernat, Michael Carreon, and Victor Kim when they came to Hawaii for HI-FAP
- DnBs Wednesday Nights almost every week (if you're over 21 and on Oahu, then you know...)
- had one of the most enjoyable summer breaks of my entire life
- started my 3rd semester of nursing school
- made my last YouTube video (meaning, most latest)
- went to the Justin Bieber concert because my sister loves him. I just love Legaci (his back up singers)
- went to Shirt The Kids Hawaii, and it was amaaaazing (Blue Scholars ftw)
- was 2nd row at the Bruno Mars concert (HOLY SHIT, I freakin' love this guy)
- turned 22 and celebrated with a lot of awesome people

- started my 4th semester of nursing school
- one of my best friends from high school had her first baby, named him Ezekiel
- got kicked out of the house
- lived away for about a month and eventually went back home
- performed at my first open mic at BSK
- did a bunch of hiking during the summer and became super dark
- went to a bunch of parties and DnB Wednesday Nights even though it was starting to become old
- grandma status began (stopped drinking and stopped going out as much)
- first time at First Friday's in Chinatown
- CAMPING (that is all...)
- started my 5th semester of nursing school
- became a CPR/First Aid instructor for the family business
- went to Kababayan Fest to support the YouTube artists and met Bruno Mars' family (THIS WAS A HUGE THING FOR ME...) 
- went to the Gabe Bondoc concert (got really sick at this concert, hopefully i didn't develop an aversion to his music)
- winner of an ugly sweater contest during a holiday party
- turned 23 but it kinda seemed like just another birthday despite the celebrations

- started my last semester as an undergraduate; my 6th semester of nursing school
- traveled to San Diego for a conference and presented my research poster
- offered an opportunity to interview for a job in New York
- presented the same research at Nursing Grand Rounds at The Queen's Medical Center
- graduated from UHM nursing school with a BSN
- passed my boards and became a licensed REGISTERED NURSE
- traveled to the Philippines to volunteer for a Medical Mission in Cabanatuan
- helped improve the family business and became a regular instructor

...and the rest is still unwritten. Thanks a lot Natasha Bedingfield!


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