Monday, April 13, 2009

now she's finally free.

NOTE: Sorry ya'll, this is another personal one. You don't have to read. =]

Ok, so I've pretty much informed a lot of you that I've been going through a really tough time lately. However, It wasn't only because I was struggling with my own problems like my classes, and the nursing program, it was also because I was struggling with family.

My grandmother was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer last year and it's been really tough. She lives with us, and has been living with us since I was little because my parents were never home so she was like our permanent babysitter.
These past months were very difficult for all of us. Words cannot explain.

Today, April 13, 2009, she passed. I've been trying to prepare myself for this day because its the first death in my (really close) family that I'm having to deal with. But, I know that she has been suffering these past few months, so I knew that when she would go, she would be free. That's what I wanted most. I wanted her to be free, because I knew she was suffering, and we were all suffering with her.
Nessa's Confirmation - May 2008

She was always a strong woman, very spiritual, very funny, very helpful. I'm trying hard not to think about this, but I do regret not spending the day with her today. This is what made me very emotional because I felt like I chose the wrong day to be selfish [I wanted to make a video today, because I miss making videos] I wish I was there for her, but I was glad to be there when she took her last breaths, to say goodbye to her, to pray for her, and tell her how much I love her.

Now she's finally free, and I think that things can only get better from here. Thank you Tita Idang, I appreciate everything you have done for me. I love you from the bottom of my heart. Ok, we're all going to do the rosary again, so I guess I'll end here. Thanks everyone for being patient and for understanding.

This is life. =]

LAST MEMORY: I was helping her into her bed, telling her that her feet look like they are getting better. I also told her that if she needs me that she could just call me. She was always so grateful that we helped her out during this tough time.

VIVID MEMORY: I can still remember that day when we went to the beach when the waves were very strong. I tried to go into the water, but the waves took me in, and I tried to crawl back but the barrels caught me. I can still remember her yelling for me, trying to help me back because the waves were pulling me away. She was always there.

1 comment:

hahamysocks said...

Sorry to hear that Natalie,
Rest in peace Grandma <3


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