Monday, August 25, 2008
Okay, I know many Gay men are good looking, but is it just a coincidence that the guys that I think are good looking, are Gay?
I've had this conversation with two of my best friends on several occasions, one who is openly gay, and the other who is not quite out of the closet. The funny thing was that they were not always gay, I hope that I didn't turn them gay.
Basically, I tell them whenever I have a crush on someone, or when I think a guy is cute. EVENTUALLY, I end up telling them the guy is gay and that I had no idea! Even though I have so many gay friends, I have terrible gaydar!
Once I told Keali'i, "You know, If I keep this up, I am never getting married!"
Why did I bring this up? Well, a couple of days ago, I tweeted the following statement on twitter "That aussie diver is really good looking."
Today, I watched WHATTHEBUCKSHOW's video, and he explained that Matthew Mitcham, the Australian diver who won the Gold, was the only openly gay man at the Olympics! The one guy, that I thought was so good looking, is gay. Michael Phelps isn't gay though, I love him.
I'm sorry, I guess I am just attracted to Gay people! Haha, BUCK is gay, but he's married, I love him though! In a different way!
Friday, August 22, 2008
Then when I found myspace, I became, natztheflip. YUP, not NaTzthEfLip. simply, natztheflip. BUT ANYWAY, that was just background knowledge of my dumb usernames.
Blogging was a way for me to express my thoughts, and to get feedback from my friends. It was honest and true. Here is a post on my wUn_loVaBle_pNai xanga, that I really love.
I made my last entry private because I don't want to be responsible for having my depression rub off on others. I just want everyone else to be happy. If only I could ban hate.
Let's just wait...things will get better. I just pray that May will be a good month. Let's just hope...that what they say is true...the flowers bloom in May and I hope my life does too.
I had a dream...that someone that I truly admire gave me their picture and on the back it was written with pure love: "Nat, you see...you are special." We sat in a room and I was so touched that I was confused. I didn't expect it to say that. I believe all I did was sit there...staring at him... but deep down...I just wanted jump up to give this person a big hug before he left. I wanted to whisper in his ear a million "Thank you's." Next thing I know...I woke up...without even having the chance.
You know, my whole life I've been letting my hopes and dreams fly past me. I never felt the strength to stand up. I just end up regretting everything. I regret not giving him a hug and saying thank you because that's all he ever wanted me to do. I need to push my fears away...I need to start living it up. I finally know what my weakness is. I need to make my move because it is my turn. More than anything, I need my faith. That is where my strength is.
I believe it's time. God, please guide me. I need you again.
Why am I talking about this? Well, I was on Stephen's (steveninbay) xanga, and then I decided to go back and read old entries for fun, and I've forgotton how deep I used to be. How honest I would be when I made a blog. I wasn't afraid to tell others how I felt and everything. I was reminded of this after doing some reading. It made me miss my old friends as well because of the pictures I saw, and because I wrote about them a lot.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Well, today I went on AIM for the first time in ages. I chatted with Kits and I swear, we had the most honest and hilarious conversation, and he was at work but I'm sure he was laughing like crazy. I sure was! We got something off our chests and I'm so relieved now. Freaking awesome.
Well thank you to Simon, Kits, and Russell because I know you guys read this. I swear Simon, you and me, we're related (and my package will be better than Mike's, i'm telling you now). Kits, we have the best chats and talks. Russell, I miss you like hell damnit. Thank you guys for being supportive and everything.Here's a poll, I want to know what you all think?!?! SHOULD I?!?! I can't make up my mind.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Well i've been watching the olympics, like everyday since it started. pretty much addicted to Michael Phelps, and i've been jumping up and down when USA comes so close to winning. it's amazing, i love it. Did everyone catch that first 4X100 Freestyle relay? BECAUSE if you didn't you seriously missed out on one intense competition where we won by...i don't know 100th of a sec? More or less? I'm so proud of our olympians. We have amazing runners, but I can just see that other countries have been doing some serious training. That Usain Bolt guy from Jamaica? Oh man, this guy already knows he's gonna win because he starts to get cocky before he passes the finish line. Don't get me wrong, he's amazing, I bet he could of pulled off a faster time if he didn't start showing off. But, he still beat the world record. The Jamaicans are amazing, and young too. They will go a long way.
Well enough about Jamaica! GO TEAM USA! Gymnastics is a big thing too. Nastia Liukin and Shawn Johnson are just great. There is some controversy because I think they have been doing so well, but I don't think they are getting the medals that they deserve! WTF judges?! GET WITH IT! Sorry, I'm just proud to be an American. *starts singing*
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
on the other hand, lots of things are happening, and i'm not sure if i'm ready to share it with others even though all my close friends already know. well, some of you may know i'm all for cancer research, i've been participating in relays and races that collect donations for cancer research for many years. but who ever thought, that cancer would happen to me? not necessarily me, but to my family?
i won't get into more details (maybe later), but this isn't easy. it's confusing actually. after all i've done, this is what happens? but these kinds of things are inevitable. it's hard to accept, and a few months ago i couldn't help but burst out into tears at random hours of the day because it's all i ever thought about. and just when i thought things were getting better, people start to get sick again, people start breaking bones, people are in pain, and then i start to suffer because i feel it too. they're both at the hospital right now, i wonder what's going on in their minds, i hope they know that i'm always thinking about them, always praying, always hoping that they are feeling okay, and that i'm trying to stay positive, and strong for them because they need to know that we're here. I'm here.
Monday, August 18, 2008
the thing about sxephil, is that i used to get so excited when he put up a new video. When i first started getting into youtube, the two people that I really started to enjoy (after HappySlip and Kev) were sxephil and WHATTHEBUCKSHOW because they updated ALL THE TIME.
Philip grew on me, because I thought he was really good looking, intellectual, informative and smart, but he offended me ALL THE TIME! I know a lot of it is comedic, satiric and such, but when someone offends me, or says something i don't necessarily agree with in a video, i automatically unsubscribe. But it was so hard to do that because I really liked his videos! So basically, I would unsub, and then later sub again because I couldn't get enough of his awesome bullshit.
but a few months ago, I told myself to officially unsub because I'm a sensitive loser (wow wtf this is youtube)
But recently, I keep finding myself going back to watch his channel (even though I'm not subscribed) just because I really enjoy then. UGH what the hell. If he would ever to stumble upon this, I know he would say something like "wow, if you like my videos, then just effing subscribe, don't make a big deal about it! kthx!"
I even go to his website occasionally. What can I say, the man is entertaining. I like him alot, and enough to notice that he's putting on some weight. Still awesome though.