Then when I found myspace, I became, natztheflip. YUP, not NaTzthEfLip. simply, natztheflip. BUT ANYWAY, that was just background knowledge of my dumb usernames.
Blogging was a way for me to express my thoughts, and to get feedback from my friends. It was honest and true. Here is a post on my wUn_loVaBle_pNai xanga, that I really love.
Saturday, April 24, 2004
May it be a sweet, sweet sound, in your ear.
I made my last entry private because I don't want to be responsible for having my depression rub off on others. I just want everyone else to be happy. If only I could ban hate.
Let's just wait...things will get better. I just pray that May will be a good month. Let's just hope...that what they say is true...the flowers bloom in May and I hope my life does too.
I had a dream...that someone that I truly admire gave me their picture and on the back it was written with pure love: "Nat, you see...you are special." We sat in a room and I was so touched that I was confused. I didn't expect it to say that. I believe all I did was sit there...staring at him... but deep down...I just wanted jump up to give this person a big hug before he left. I wanted to whisper in his ear a million "Thank you's." Next thing I know...I woke up...without even having the chance.
You know, my whole life I've been letting my hopes and dreams fly past me. I never felt the strength to stand up. I just end up regretting everything. I regret not giving him a hug and saying thank you because that's all he ever wanted me to do. I need to push my fears away...I need to start living it up. I finally know what my weakness is. I need to make my move because it is my turn. More than anything, I need my faith. That is where my strength is.
I believe it's time. God, please guide me. I need you again.
Why am I talking about this? Well, I was on Stephen's (steveninbay) xanga, and then I decided to go back and read old entries for fun, and I've forgotton how deep I used to be. How honest I would be when I made a blog. I wasn't afraid to tell others how I felt and everything. I was reminded of this after doing some reading. It made me miss my old friends as well because of the pictures I saw, and because I wrote about them a lot.