Friday, August 22, 2008

weblogging was my first love.

It all began on xanga. in 8th grade, Ashley Ho asked me "do you have a xanga?" i replied "no, what's that" so i decided to make one. then the obsession with the internet began. Exact date that it all started was September 7, 2002 as PiNaYcHyKa8o8. Then on December 11, 2002, I became wUn_loVaBle_pNai.

Then when I found myspace, I became, natztheflip. YUP, not NaTzthEfLip. simply, natztheflip. BUT ANYWAY, that was just background knowledge of my dumb usernames.

Blogging was a way for me to express my thoughts, and to get feedback from my friends. It was honest and true. Here is a post on my wUn_loVaBle_pNai xanga, that I really love.

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Saturday, April 24, 2004
May it be a sweet, sweet sound, in your ear.

I made my last entry private because I don't want to be responsible for having my depression rub off on others. I just want everyone else to be happy. If only I could ban hate.
Let's just wait...things will get better. I just pray that May will be a good month. Let's just hope...that what they say is true...the flowers bloom in May and I hope my life does too.

...READ THIS.
I had a dream...that someone that I truly admire gave me their picture and on the back it was written with pure love: "Nat, you see...you are special." We sat in a room and I was so touched that I was confused. I didn't expect it to say that. I believe all I did was sit there...staring at him... but deep down...I just wanted jump up to give this person a big hug before he left. I wanted to whisper in his ear a million "Thank you's." Next thing I know...I woke up...without even having the chance.

You know, my whole life I've been letting my hopes and dreams fly past me. I never felt the strength to stand up. I just end up regretting everything. I regret not giving him a hug and saying thank you because that's all he ever wanted me to do. I need to push my fears away...I need to start living it up. I finally know what my weakness is. I need to make my move because it is my turn. More than anything, I need my faith. That is where my strength is.
I believe it's time. God, please guide me. I need you again.

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Why am I talking about this? Well, I was on Stephen's (steveninbay) xanga, and then I decided to go back and read old entries for fun, and I've forgotton how deep I used to be. How honest I would be when I made a blog. I wasn't afraid to tell others how I felt and everything. I was reminded of this after doing some reading. It made me miss my old friends as well because of the pictures I saw, and because I wrote about them a lot.

4 comments:

hahamysocks said...

oh goodness. i remember those days.
i started using xanga in dec 02. what the eff, i was still in middle school o_o

but yeah i deleted a lot of stuff (my beginning entries and made them private) the last one i have was from 03. and as i re-read them, i noticed how stupid i was. HA

Kuket said...

Deng, Xanga was the thing back in the day, it was FindAPix for me at first though. Where I first met my girlfriend. HAHAHA!

Yeah, those HTML codes that froze my page all the time 'cause I put too much random crap, and just writing about my day, deng I heard some stalker stories though, that's when all my entries turned private.

KITS said...

OMG xanga! I still have mine. Now that's where my real thoughts be ruling. haha.. You are just too awesome Natalie! =D You are a very special person. That's why I always feel so comfortable talking to you and just say anything I feel. Seriously you are the best. And God is always there for us. All we need to do is open up our hearts to him. I love ya! Seriously!! Talk to you again soon! <3

-KIts

natztheflip said...

hahha it's funny how xanga was like where we all began!! =D

Marc, stalker stories!?!?!? that's some freaky shit. hahah!

hmmm.

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