Wednesday, December 24, 2008

a rant on christmas.

WARNING: don't read, it's long. you'll just get emo.

so it's about an hour til Christmas, and things have gotten worse.

here's the story: so my family just left to go to church, and i decided not to go because of personal reasons. my dad comes down as asks me why I'm not going and i told him 'because i don't want to.' and he starts asking again, and I'm all like what the heck, what more do i have to say? so i told him that 'its hypocritical for me to go to church.' then he continues saying i shouldn't be philosophical with him, and starts using stupid examples THAT DON'T RELATE to our conversation whatsoever! he says like 'you're on the computer all day, and when i ask you to do a favor, you're always mad' and i tell him 'you don't make any sense, how does this relate to me not going to church? i don't like going to church anymore, you can't force me.'

he even threatens to 'spank me' WTF? WHAT AM I, 10 years old?!

it really didn't make any sense, my dad was using youtube, me being on the computer for long hours, playing guitar, and everything that I LOVE TO do on my spare time, AGAINST ME. he was using it against me just because i didn't want to go to church?

WHY WOULD I WANT TO GO TO CHURCH after he would speak to me like that? and moreover, the bigger reasons why I didn't want to go to church was because my sister and my mom were going! I haven't spoken to my sister for over a year because of a grudge, and my mom pissed me off the other day! They have been bitches to me, why would i want to be in church with them! THAT'S WHY I SAID IT HYPOCRITICAL, that's why I didn't want to go!

I know some of you know, I'm very religious. I love God. SO MUCH. I'm the most Holy person in this family, besides my grandaunt who lives with us. But, I've been sooo far away from him for many months now, and I'm gonna go back to church, when I'M READY, not when my dad talks like a bastard to me ON CHRISTMAS. oh gosh, it's Christmas and my family are being fucks.

I'm almost 20. why do they treat me like this? why do they use the fact that i don't have a job against me? why don't they understand that I'm trying so hard to please them? why aren't they happy that i got ALL A's in all my classes this semester while attending three different colleges? (ME BEING A FULL TIME STUDENT at 3 different campuses, should be equivalent to being a student with a job!) WHY? why can't they just understand that i love the computer, my guitar, my piano, and i want to be able to do that stuff whenever i get the chance? WHY NOT?! they don't understand me!

...so I'm trying to catch up on blog reading as well. i just read Simon's blog about how 'Christmas is supposed to bring people closer together' but it's just weird because its doing the exact opposite this year.

Merry Christmas everyone, hope you're doing better than i am.

Happy almost Birthday to me, i don't understand why these things happen at the most joyous time of year.

2 comments:

Kuket said...

Natalie! That's hella too much school. Hope you're doing alright! Happy Holidays.

Dan said...

Natalie, this is the EXACT situation I dealt with this past year except for the whole spanking thing. I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Believe me: I know how frustrating it can be. I try so hard to get my dad to realize the things that are important to me, but he never seems concerned with things like the guitar or writing. But on another note, I came to your blog because you have a BEAUTIFUL voice. I would LOVE to have a CD of any covers you have recorded. E-mail me if you want at ehrmand07@gmail.com.

hmmm.

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