I dedicated five years to my undergraduate education and honestly it was a wonderful time. I have no regrets. I did not exactly dedicate every waking moment to studying and whatnot, but it did take up majority of my time, to the point that I was letting other bridges burn unintentionally. To tell you the truth, I absolutely loved nursing school. I met amazing people, gained a ton of knowledge and experience, and I learned a lot about myself in the process.
But, I did have doubts. We all did. It wasn't perfect because I'm not perfect. I made mistakes. I came across people who were not supportive to my learning, and I had bad days all the time. There were times when I would come home from clinical and think to myself, "What the f*ck are you doing?!"
I'm sure a lot of people are confused about my stance on my nursing career. In fact, I think I've actually confused myself. It's not right for me to post it on the internet because it's just so public and it can hurt me in different ways. But, I think it's only right to be totally honest because I can't move forward without being true to myself and to everyone else.
I did not want to be a nurse.
There are probably a thousand other 2nd generation Filipino females and males that are/were in the same position as me. I think the main thing I want to mention is that I don't think "we" should be looked down upon. "We" may not have had a choice. So, before you go about saying "I'm the first one in my family to do something other than nursing..." like you're all high and mighty, please think about it. "We" probably couldn't stand up to our parents to say what we really wanted to do with our lives. "We" probably did not want to let our parents down because they were counting on us to be the nurse they always wanted us to be. "We" may not have been that strong. I was not that strong. So, I give you guys props.
My parents had a lot of power over me, and when I graduated high school, I did not really know what I was going to do. A lot of my high school scholarship essays leaned toward nursing because as a senior, I still did not know what I wanted to do with my life, but these essays needed to be written! So with both my parents being nurses, it almost seemed like my destined profession.
At some point within the 3 years of nursing school, I realized that I was going to complete nursing school for me, not for my parents. I wanted it to be for me. That was the only way that I was going to succeed. AND I'VE OWNED UP TO IT! I wouldn't have made it this far if I wasn't passionate about nursing. I love people. I'm a caregiver. I have a genuine interest in human life and the future of healthcare. It's in my blood. I knew that I could succeed, and that is why I have. Not to be all big headed, but I'm the first child on my maternal side to have graduated from college! I'm not even the eldest among my generation. I'd say that's a big accomplishment. Even though I said I was going to be doing it for me, a part of me was still doing it for my parents. There was no way to let that go. But, I'm just proud, my parents are proud, and I'm proud that they are proud.
I can write about this for days. Hopefully with a better ending because I do plan on changing my career pathway in the future. I'm gonna do me eventually, when I'm ready, when I'm strong. You'll see.
But for now, I'M A REGISTERED NURSE! I'm so happy to say that.
Lei ceremony immediately after the pinning ceremony at Hawaii Theater. Thank you to all who have supported me along the way while believing in me, and continuing to encourage me. I appreciate you all so much.
